There’s a Hole in Your Cup — Why You Don’t Need a Girlfriend

by Braden Barwich (cropped) from Unsplash

We’ve seen it all before, right? The picture perfect moment? Springtime season surrounds the air around you, blonde hair glistening in the sunlight wearing her pink daisy-dotted sundress. You smile. She smiles. Lips touch.

Or at least something to that effect. “You complete me, I complete you.” “Then we ride into the sunset and live happily ever after.” For as long as I remember, I’ve had that kind of blissful fantasy in my head. FINALLY I would get the girl of my dreams and “be complete”. Right? Right?

I hope you can see where I’m going with this. And if you can’t, strap yourselves into the carousel! In a world full of romance and guy/girl drama, it’s easy to look at our favorite childhood movies and books and fall into the fantasy. But then to have fantasy and expectation become one. And boom! High expectations! It took myself seven heartbreaks or let-downs until it was made clear to me when somebody brought it to light for me.

A Girl. Can’t. Fill. Your. Cup.

Why is this? What does this even mean? Well, consider the picture you have. It’s kind of like a short movie in and of itself, right? Consider the picture I gave you before; or maybe you’re into a totally different picture! Like getting splashed by $20 water guns and giggling in your backyard or maybe you’re making out after a round of Call of Duty. Whatever it is, it’s full of bliss, right? Good! Because that bliss is there! But there’s more….

Consider what else you’re getting. Maybe she’s pulling your arm so much, the excess of attention that she’s asking of you drags you away from your lifelong best friend. Maybe she gets hyper jealous over any girl you have good conversations with — say your platonic friend or even your cousin who she didn’t know was your cousin at first! If you’re seeing someone, chances are at some point you’re going to be her pillow — maybe you’ll spend at least a month comforting her over a significant life event. Which is good! Do that! And if you’re a good guy, you’ll be happy to do it. But if the problem persists for two months — face it, it’s going to be hard for you too.

by Fred Moon from Unsplash

And consider what fuels those dreams. If you’re past the age of eighteen, you are welcome to enjoy the same action hero, swashbuckling, super-powered movies you do. But if you want a girlfriend in your life, perhaps it’s time to mix that passion with a bit of truth. Consider movies like Mulan and Mulan II. At the end, Captain Shang, nervous, comes to Mulan’s house, struggling to get the words out. Mulan comes closer to him, looking at him all invitingly and warmly, offering for him to stay for dinner. Grandma jokes he can stay forever. You watch the end of that movie thinking they’re going to live happily ever after, right? Cue the next movie! Whatever you might say about Mulan II’s quality, they have problems! They argue about what kind of direction they should take regarding their journey; “Mulan” talked trash about him behind his back; they argue about what’s more important, freedom or responsibility. And yes, in that movie most of those arguments were orchestrated by Mushu, but the point remains, issues exist!

The bliss of young love is out there and it exists! You with those eyeballs on your laptop can rest assured that you could even go for several months straight in that bliss! But understand, in the long run, there’s no such thing as an unending bliss in this earthly world. It should be balanced. And that’s good! Because guess what? Not only is it much more beneficial for your own emotional, mental, and even spiritual well-being to be balanced, but paradoxically, women find this attractive! A girl can sense a man who has his priorities — wanting a girl but not needing her to fulfill his life. And finding your purpose and pursuing it gives you stability.

by Erwann Letue from Unsplash

Now, if you’re reading this and your light bulbs are going off to Ah ha! That’s how I do it! That’s how I’ll get a girlfriend!… Don’t. Your purpose shouldn’t be a means to an end in that sense.

Find your purpose, consider your passion, make plans, take action — they are for you. Direction for you. Hopefully, they’ll benefit others and whatever mate you may have in the future.

God bless, God first,

David Hyland

BEA 2020 Scriptwriting Award-Winner; FanFare Publications writer; God-follower; a man wanting to help and entertain others and provide for himself.

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